Hiatus - Part II

I apologize for the abrupt post yesterday. I'm just in a not-so-good place right now and I need to deal with something that requires my full attention. Everyone is healthy and fine, so don't worry about that. It's just a personal matter (no I'm not wigging out or going mental either) that I need to focus on in order to fix.

I hope it doesn't take too long.... I don't like being away and yes I will still try to read your blogs, but no guarantees and I'm ALWAYS available via email. So if you are dying to get in touch with me, just email. I wouldn't mind getting a nice email over the 50 [bulk] messages I get each day anyway.

Seacrest out (or was that only funny the first time I did that?)

Hiatus

I'll be on one for awhile. Need time away.

Hope you all have a wonderful and safe Holiday.

She was....She is

She was shy and quiet when she was younger. She never felt like she fit in with kids her age. She was smart and liked school but never had many friends. Just a couple of close ones, but they never lasted since she moved so much.

She grew older and once 5th grade came around she realized how out of place she really was. Kids were getting into the "we are cool and you are not" phase so cliques were forming and social cirlces split. She didn't have the cool clothes, the cool hair and the cool personality that everyone else did. She was teased and she was made to feel very small and became even more shy. She was still smart but the social situations in school overshadowed that.

Junior high came along and things progressed down that steep hill. Kids were even more cruel and her social outcast persona became more pronounced. She tried so hard to be cool that her image and clothes grew more and more retchid every day. She was picked on and singled out by the wisecracking popular kids. It was like she had a target on her back. Everywhere she went she felt that people were whispering about her and laughing at her. In many cases, they really were.

Soon, high school days were upon her. Junior high was in the past and things were starting to look up a bit. However, she was still a "nerd". High school was a bigger melting pot of students though. There were more people to meet and she had finally found a place in a social circle with kids just like her. Although, she still dreamed of designer clothes, perfect teeth and hair and a cool personality so that she could be a part of the popular clique. That "in-crowd" always eluded her because she didn't have money and couldn't afford the Guess jeans or Benetton sweaters. Even if she had those clothes, there would always be something else in her way, her mouth. She always said stupid things. Clothes, hair and perfect makeup could make her look the part, but she would never be able to fully play the part because she is and always will be that nerdy little girl.

Graduation came and with it followed a certain freedom. It was freedom from the cliques in school. Freedom from arrogant teenagers and parental restrictions. Freedom from walking the halls of school with people whispering about her. Freedom from rumors and potential fights that always seemed to land on her. She was finally able to be a part of a new world with people who didn't know her or her social status in school, therefore couldn't pre-judge her. She could become a new person.

All of a sudden, while working, she began to find this fun-loving, outgoing person within her. That person was always there but was afraid to come out. She made new friends, went out at night, discovered that men found her appealing and funny and soon realized she was a huge, natural flirt and could make men want her. She was starting to feel attractive. That was a giagantic leap from the ugly duckling days of school.

She began to take things too far. She relied on men to make her feel worthy. She felt she needed to be wanted by men in order to feel important. In school, no one wanted her. She was not girlfriend material. She was just a lowly, uncool, poorly dressed girl. But, in the real world, she was attractive, flirtatious and had no restrictions by society, parents or peers. She was finally her own person.

She made her mistakes, continued to grow up and still struggled with who she really was. Finding her true self and being honest with herself was something she had yet to discover. Furthermore, she never understood the phrase "finding yourself". Without being able to grasp what that meant, finding out who she really was would continue to elude her.

So, over the years, she simply absorbed those around her in order to fit in. She adapted herself to whatever situations she was a part of. She just became what people wanted her to be. Her outgoing and fun-loving self was always honest and true, it was everything else that was fabricated.

One day, she was watching the movie "Runaway Bride". In this simple, romantic comedy she discovered something. She was just like the character Julia Roberts played. No, it wasn't that she ran out on several weddings. It was that she became whatever person the man she was with wanted her to be. She liked whatever eggs he liked, she liked whatever hobbies he had, she became interested in whatever sports he liked or played. She never held to her own values. She just wanted to be loved and did whatever it took.

It was like she was looking in a mirror and the light bulb went on over her head. She didn't change overnight, but the wheels began turning. She started to understand what "finding yourself" meant. So, her journey began. Step one was to be completely honest with herself. Then, things could fall into place.

The journey continues but she is in a much better place than she ever was. Life has been a mental struggle for as long as she can remember. Life may always be a mental struggle because she is an over-thinker and an over-analyzer but at least she found herself.

Now, this shy and quiet little nerdy girl is married. For the 2nd time. She hasn't lead a terribly exciting life but has done a few cool things. She follows her heart, loves to make people laugh and still needs to be needed and liked. It's just important to her. She also has two kids. This social outcast of a girl has two, beautiful little boys... boys that are more handsome than she could ever imagine them to be. She still wonders how her little ugly self could create such cute children, but she leaves that up to the Big Guy (and hubby of course).

She dreams of the day that she might get to go back and see her high school classmates and show them how they don't intimidate her anymore and that she is free of them and their antagonizing. But, if she is going to be honest with herself, she isn't free of it and never will be. She will always remember it, she will always try hard to be liked and cool and she will always feel that people are judging her and talking about her.

She is her own person now. She is strong and independent and has a family to dote over. She has children to raise properly and teach them the things she knows now that she wishes she knew as a kid. She will always be outgoing and friendly and will try very hard not to worry about what everyone thinks of her. But she will never forget the scars that childhood and school left on her because they still affect her to this day.

Are you a diabetic or do you know one?

Not that I have a big readership or anything, but I have a guest poster. My husband! This is his way of saying to the world "Thank you for being my wife". He hated that I saw him like this last night and I said "I'm your wife... if I can't help you, who can?!" But, he is a strong independent man and for him to show weakness and vulnerability, well, it's rare. He also doesn't reveal to many that he is diabetic, for the aforementioned reason. I love my hubby... he will always have my 100% love and devotion.

_____________________________________________

I was diagnosed as a being a diabetic 2 years ago. It wasn't anything to be too alarmed over as I am only a Type-2 diabetic. What does that mean? Well in laymens terms I do not need to inject insulin every day. I am on medication that I have to take daily, I need to watch what I eat, watch my weight, blah blah blah. If you are diabetic or know of one, I feel for you. It’s not often that I have an attack as my medication has been regulated to my body and my blood sugar is under control. Last night about 2:15am I had a sugar attack. I woke up to go to the bathroom. As I walked out, for lack of better words, “The Feeling” hit me. I have felt this several times before but never at night. First you feel so weak that you can hardly stand. You also feel faint. Then your breathing gets heavy and fast and you start sweating. You have no control over your body. I managed to make it back to bed. My wife knew something was wrong right away and as she asked I tried my best to tell her, all I could mutter was "I need sugar…candy." On a side note, how cool is it to have a disease that in order to cure an attack you need to eat candy (sugar)? Anyway, as my wife ran around the house looking for candy, I tried to shout to her that in the front foyer there are candy bars. She found them as I heard the door open to the front foyer. She ran back upstairs and broke up the pieces of Hershey’s for me to eat. It took all of 3-5 minutes for me to feel better. I really dislike that I have this disease. It’s hereditary. I hope above all else that my kids do not get this. My father and my older brother have it. After all was said and done I figured out that I had taken my medication a bit after dinner and that's what made my sugar drop. If I were to guess I was at about 40 glucose. For those of you who do not know the measurements. Typical normal blood sugar is between 70-100. Mine hovers around 100-120. My levels when I was diagnosed were 430. This being said, if you are a diabetic or know of one, my sympathies are with you. I really dislike the feeling of last night or even putting my wife through it.

Suck, Sucky and Suckiest

That is what I think of my blog lately. Welcome to Lamo City, population ME!

I read thru a few recent posts and tried hard not to slap myself. You could have all slapped me instead, just to let me know how stooopid things have been. Really. I count on your honesty. Ok, Chad came close with his comment on my 11:11pm post, so thanks Chad. That thing is about 2 clicks away from just being deleted. But I figured I would just leave it up, and learn from it. Never drink and post.

My creative juices are dry, nothing exciting is happening (not that it ever does) and I'm just fresh out of entertainment. Ok, well, it's not like I'm known for my entertainment value, but at least I can come up with something to say in most cases, boring as it may be.

Both children are napping at the moment so I think it's time to step away so that I don't write something even more stupid and just enjoy the peace and quiet of the day. I can even catch up on my TIVO'd shows.

Seacrest Out.

Christmas at our house

I'll show you mine if you show me yours! If you decorate I want to see your house! Post those pictures!

However, I really hesitated in posting my pictures... but since I'm asking to see yours it's only fair that I post mine. It is just that these pictures make my house look sad and cold. I feels so much more cozy and festive in person. I guess you don't really know how something looks until you see it in pictures. So, I have a feeling I have to go out and spend more money on more decorations.

We usually have a much bigger tree but it has always been in the dining room. This year we wanted it in our little living room therefore we had to get a small tree. With the walls being white and bare it makes it look tiny.

Sidenote: I know we don't have baseboards (long story) yet, the walls desperately need painting (white is so boring) and that everything looks pretty sad. But really, when you are in this house it feels and looks better. This summer we hope to paint the living and dining rooms finally and get those baseboards back up. But then again, we have been saying that for 3 years. HA! Once the house is painted inside I'll work on actually getting pictures on the walls.... pointless to do so until it's painted. It's just a constant work in progress. We have done so much to this place already.

Enough of that... here are our decorations so far. If I can go outside and take pics of the outside decor without looking and feeling like an idiot, I'll post those this week as well.

Now it's your turn. Lets see your festive-ness.







P.S - We can't find our tree skirt. Dammit.

One year ago today...

...We let our sweet Bodie go to the bridge. He was a beautiful Golden Retriever and one of the sweetest dogs I have ever met. He had such an amazing personality and was extremely attached to his daddy. He couldn't be apart from his daddy. They had a very special bond.

Bodie was adopted by us in April 2002 from our local humane society. It was fate. We had simply gone down to the humane society to drop of some newspapers and bring our other dog Hooch down to say hello to the staff. He was adopted from the same shelter one year earlier. Hubby (well we were just living together at the time) knew it was a huge mistake to take me to a shelter. I can't leave empty handed. I said "I'm just going to go back and look at the dogs." He sighed and said, ok.

A few minutes later I came running back out and said "YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT IS BACK THERE! A GOLDEN THAT WAS BROUGHT IN 24 HOURS AGO!" It's a shelter, purebreds are not common dogs to be found in a shelter let alone a Golden Retriever. Hubby got lucky with Hooch the year before, as he is also a Golden Retriever and the chances of finding another Golden in the same shelter were nil. So, for us just to spontaneously plan to go to the shelter that day and a Golden was dropped off the night before... well, you can see why we believe it was fate.

As soon as I saw Bodie (who was known as "Soldier") my heart melted. Here was this big brown eyed dog laying in the kennel scared and timid. His entire life had just been turned upside down and it was our job to make him feel loved and safe again. I crouched down and tried to get him to come to me but he wouldn't. That's when I ran back out front to tell hubby. He sighed and went back to look at him while I tended to Hooch. His heart melted too.

We got to take Bodie out of the cage and let him walk around outside with Hooch. They got along fine and an hour later Bodie was ours and came home with us. Simple as that. It was true love ever since.

Bodie bonded to his daddy over a hiking trip that they took together the following month. From that moment on daddy and Bodie were inseperable. We named him after Bohdie from the movie Point Break. We love that movie and always said we would name our next dog after Bohdie. And so we did... but we dropped the H.

He loved to cuddle and had to bring you something every time you walked in the door. Generally it was a shoe but one time, he couldn't find anything so he looked around the floor anxious to bring me something and he found some lint, so he brought me some lint. It served it's purpose. He was a pleaser.

Around the summer of 2005 we noticed a lump on his face. We had a couple of teeth pulled in hopes that it was just a tooth infection. The doctor also biopsied the lump and didn't find much. The results were inconclusive. Then the lump started getting bigger and bigger. We finally went to a specialist who did an MRI and said the location of the lump was inoperable and there was nothing they could do. It broke our hearts. We just waited as long as we could and the lump tripled in size over the next 6 weeks.

On November 26th, the day after Thanksgiving last year, the vet came to the house and we put him down. He was home, on a special blanket in front of the fire. It was the most heartwrenching thing I had ever gone through. Unfortunately, it was a 2nd for hubby. He had put another Golden of his down just a few years earlier.

Here is our sweet little boy about a year after he came to live with us.

































And this was the final picture of our 3 dogs together. This was taken about 3 weeks before we had to let Bodie go. You can see by his face why we had to let him go. It was especially painful because the only thing wrong with him was the tumor on his face. Everything else about him and his little body was fine and strong and healthy. But that tumor would never have stopped growing and would have begun impeding his physical abilities such as eating and breathing.

So, today is a mourniversary. People use the term anniversary to mark important days like the death of loved ones, or tragic times in history. I have a hard time with that. Anniversaries are supposed to be celebrations and happy days. Therefore, I call them mourniversaries. I'm not happy about this day, but I'm reflective and remember all the good times we had. Bodie will never be forgotten and will always be missed.

Next month, we have another mourniversary..... Both Thanksgiving and Christmas are marred by these mourniversaries.

Rest in peace sweet Bodie. We love you forever.

Pictures

Just thought I would post a few pictures from today. We put up all of our Christmas stuff yesterday (the weather has been incredible so we took full advantage of being outside. Hanging lights and trying to put up lighted lawn dear in 20 degree weather sucks).

Anyway, I snapped a few pictures of the boys today. It was a mission to try and catch that perfect shot of them together or at least one on one. Mission failed. This is all I got.

I was trying to get them together in front of Frosty. That was a disaster. "AJ, stop pulling on the grass out!" "Don't throw grass on Mateo!" "Mateo stop hitting Frosty!" "AJ turn around!" "AJ! STOP HITTING FROSTY!" "Mateo, sit still!" "Boys, look at mama! Look at mama! LOOK AT MAMA!" The neighbor starts laughing at me. I try a few more times and give up.

Mateo is walking now.... has been since 11/16 I think. So I got him in action today.

Overheard in my house

Me: I think Gwenyth Paltrow is so beautiful.
Him: She looks like she gives good skull.
Me: Nah, she looks like she sucks at it. BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH! I'm a riot.

Glossary of terms

• Skull - (noun) Blowjob

There, now that you know what skull means, go back and read that and feel free to laugh because I am HIIIIIIILLLL-AAAAARRRRR-IOUS!

Then we began to recliner fight... we have big leather recliners that swivel and rock. I had my foot rest up and he kept turning my chair away from the tv with his feet and I was trying to fight back and spin his chair with my feet. We were giggling like 10 year olds.

11:11pm

T'was the night before Thanksgiving and I'm alone in the house

Not a creature is stirring, not even a mouse..... cuz he's dead and we killed him a week ago.

The kids are asleep and hubby's out getting hammered

My pizza is half eaten and in Selena I'm enamored.

I think to myself I should be in bed snuggled and warm

But I'm up late in the quiet before tomorrow's storm.

Cranberry sauce must be made, bread must be bought

Let us not forget the pies or welcome for dinner we will be not

Enjoy the day of Turkey tomorrow and stuff yourselves full

May your day be happy and filling and not stressful or dull.

It is way past my bedtime and this horrid poem is almost done

Time to shut the computer down and a hot shower I must run.

So, goodnight to all of blogland and to all of blogland a good night.

M-I-A

Hubby took the week off so we have been doing family stuff since this weekend. Then of course we have Thanksgiving on Thursday.

We aren't going out of town or anything but Hubs, the kids and I have been hanging out together and Thursday is the big meal at the IL's house. YUM-OH! I cannot wait!

I hope you all have a wonderful, happy and safe Thanksgiving!

Rachel, Shionge, I know ya'll are in the UK and Singapore so you don't have this holiday. Rachel, I hope you are feeling good and things are going well for you. Give some big hugs and kisses to Tilly for me! Shionge, enjoy your week and please, if you could email me I would appreciate it. I have a few questions for you. You should be able to email me from my blogger profile. Have a Shiok-a-licious week! LOL!

My best to all of you.

New Lows

I simply call them "wife killers" for short.

Why yes, yes I AM tactless and morbid!




Sidenote: awesome hotdogs. really. they are yummy.

Girl's Night Out: The results

In a word:

FABUTASTIC!!

That evening of freedom, fondue and alcohol was needed by ALL of us! We all had a great time. We ate a buttload of cheese fondue, then moved onto the shrimp and beef and then the chocolate fondue. YUM-OH!

Our conversations were hilarious and ranged from ...... naaaahhh, use your imagination!

To quote an extremely overused phrase that desperately needs to be retired:

"What happens at Girl's Night Out, STAYS at Girl's Night Out."

Our next GNO is next month and I cannot wait. I think I'll skip the wine this time and just head straight for my Parrot Bay Coconut Rum with Dr. Pepper. Mmmmmmm!

The best part, NO HANGOVER TODAY! Absolutely zero residual effects from last night. WOOT! Mama really CAN party and recover!

Unfinished Business

(Sigh)

So, mama is gettin' her groove on with the hubby at 3:30am (I'm an easy drunk.... eh, who am I kidding, I'm just easy)

Yep, working the groove... weerrkin' the grooooove.

Hear a noise.

Look over to see Bubs (formerly known as "the Beast") standing next to the damn bed.

GAH!

Thank God he's only 2 and had no clue what was happening.

Groovin' no more.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

New References

From here on the references to my children husband shall change. Because I said so.

The Husband, well he'll still be called Hubby, or Hubs for short.

The Beast (my 2 1/2 year old) will be called Bubs, just cuz that is what I call him sometimes.

The Monster (my 13 month old) will be called Bozo, you know, like the clown? He is quite the character now.

I just didn't feel right calling them Beast and Monster anymore. They still have their moments but they are sweet as pie, those boys.

Aaaaaannnnd...

... I just wrenched my back. Yep, this is a suckolicious, craptastic day.

Now my mobility is limited, picking up my kids will be, well, difficult if not impossible and it hurts.

I hate having a bad back.

My hair and makeup better look damn good today... at the very least!

Update:

Apparently, an evil stomach bug has invaded my home and attacked my children. Even though the Beast drank all that medicine, his illness is probably more related to the bug than anything. He was vomitting all morning which is good, because it got all that medicine out of his body, but he spiked a fever and continued to vomit. He has been laying in bed for over 6 hours. No 2 year old does that.

I cancelled my customer's facial today. GAH! I hate doing that but my kids come first. I called hubby to see if I should cancel my party tonight, too. I knew he would give me his honest opinion. He said definitely don't cancel, just see if we can move it to another girl's house. Luckily my friend, 4 houses down, said we can do it at her place. WOOT! However, I still don't like going out and having fun while my children are ill. Hubby keeps saying not to worry about it.

Although, Monster seems to be feeling just fine. So hopefully the Beast will be fine in a few hours too. My poor babies! MIL watched them so I could run to the store and while I was gone, as usual, she started doing my laundry. Only I specifically told her not to because EVERYTHING on the floor was covered in puke. It was a huge pile of blankets and towels. She didn't listen, God love her.

Oh and my hair and makeup did end up looking like shit today. Lovely.

Ugh.

That is the only title I could come up with. I tried to be more creative and it wasn't happening.

Lets see, last night I went to bed.... for five minutes. Then I heard the Monster coughing. I figured his nose was still stuffed up so I ran downstairs to get some medicine and something for him to drink. He wanted nothing to do with the drink. As I attempted to get him to take a small drink, he threw up.

Then he threw up some more.

And some more.

That was just 30 seconds worth. This trend continued for 3 hours.

As I stated a few posts ago, I have never dealt with a puking child until last Saturday when the Beast woke up ill and vomitted once. Last night was a whole other story. My little 13 month old baby was miserable and throwing up just like an adult, actually JUST like I do. I knew exactly how he felt. It was so identical that I even knew exactly when he was going to start again by the tiniest whimper he would let out. I jumped up each time right before he started. I felt so bad for him and so helpless because there was nothing I could do to make him better. He just had to get it all out.

Finally, at 1am he stopped and appeared to be asleep for the night. I had been sitting in his room the whole time just watching him and helping him. I waited a bit longer and then decided I could go back to bed. My bed is literally just a few steps away from his room so I just left his door open so I could hear everything.

I managed about 4-5 hours of sleep maybe. I had to be up early because my friend's son was being dropped off here at 7:30am so I could watch him. I'm not used to 7am showers anymore. The Beast had woken up at 6:30am so he I set him up with his juice and Playhouse Disney and went to shower. Dumb idea, even though he is always fine.

See, unbenounced to me, I left the bottle of Triaminic medicine in Monster's room on his dresser last night. The cap was on of course. But that type of child cap SUCKS ASS!

I get back upstairs from my shower and find the Beast holding and DRINKING the bottle of orange medicine! HOLY FUCKING SHIT ON A STICK BIG ASS HAIRY DONKEY BALLS! Yeah, I'm horrified.

"Hello, Poison Control? Hi. Um, my son has drank a little less than half of a bottle of medicine."

"Well, Miss, first of all, you're a dumb ass mother who shouldn't be allowed to have children. Secondly, you are in luck because based on the amount he drank it's not necessary to run him into the ER. Now, go get a baseball and beat yourself with it, repeatedly. That should take care of everything."

"Um, thanks"

Ok, so she didn't really say that, they never call you Miss, it's always Ma'am. But you get the idea. If Poison Control tracks individual callers each time they call then I'm in trouble. Seriously. I think I have called 5-6 times in the past year.... I have the number memorized and it's on speed dial.

So, just as I hang up with the PC center my friend's son arrives. He and the Monster are playing together nicely and the Beast is downstairs laying on the guest bed resting. I just checked on him and he seems fine, just very tired.

And it's not even 9am.

I have a facial to give at 1pm and then errands to run for my "girls night out" party which is tonight. Dear God could I have packed any more crap into one freaking day?! It's ALWAYS like this too. Seriously. I will go all week with nothing going on and then in one day a million things happen.

Well, lets see what we have in store for the rest of the day. Girl's Night Out is just what I needed tonight.

Why do my children do this to me?

Awesome

I discovered recently that my SUV is a flex-fuel vehicle. Ok, actually I knew this but didn't quite know what it meant until this year. Up until a few weeks ago I didn't realize that the flex-fuel E-85 was available to me. I kept hearing things about "Go Yellow" campaigns and the new E-85 movment and all that jazz but honestly I just never put it together.

Then, a couple of weeks ago I was driving past a gas station and I saw on their sign "E-85" for $1.99! I was shocked to see the price considering regular unleaded was still in the $2.30 range. Then I got to thinking, I wonder if my flex-fuel vehicle means I can use E-85? So I called the dealer to make sure and low and behold, it can!!

It turns out only one chain of stations around here carries the E-85 but they are not too far from me so it's worth the couple extra miles drive. So, not only am I doing something better for the environment, I'm paying a lot less for gas! Typically E-85 is about 20-30 cents cheaper! WOOT!

The only downside is that E-85 is not readily available at every chain of stations so if we are not near this particular station and need gas, I have to fill up with the other stuff. But I'm still very excited. The pumps at the stations happen to be separate from the other pumps so I feel just a bit special when I'm over there filling up with the E-85 and I'm driving a big SUV and not some little hybrid. So, I don't have to feel guilty anymore for driving and loving my SUV.

Check the links above, you might just be driving an FFV! There is also a way to tell by looking at your vehicles VIN number, just browse this site and you can find out.

The City of Wind

"Who orders a dish in the city of wind?"

Ok, that is just a quote from a local Comcast cable commercial. They are knocking satellite service, obviously. And for a moment, if you are a satellite owner, you smack yourself in the head after that comment and say "yeah, why, am I an idiot or something?"

Today is just the kind of day that our nickname boasts of. Windy. But, if you aren't from here you may assume that the nickname "windy city" actually means the meteorological term for atmospheric air disturbances. You would be wrong.

The historians of Chicago can't even tell you with complete certainty where the nickname came from. However, there is a common and yet heavily debated theory that hails from the late 1800's. Supposedly some reporter was quoted in an article refering to us as the "windy city" in regards to our vocal politicians.

My point of this post was not to give you a lame history lesson on the city of Chicago, but rather to merely state that it's fucking windy. I mean hold onto your tupees and don't wear skirts windy. Umbrellas are futile in the scattered rain showers and if you walk outside after getting your hair done, you wasted your money.

The wind started last night. I came home from a meeting just before 10pm and as I attempted to get out of my truck the wind blew the door back on me. Nice. It was wet, windy and had a very erie feeling outside. Pretty typical this time of year. The erie feeling I get outside, at night, this time of year is similar to the quiet erieness portrayed in the movie the "Ice Storm". If you have never seen it, watch it. It's good.

Again, my point is not to make you aware of a little known but great movie. I am still just trying to tell you it's fucking windy. My house has been creeking and cracking all night. It kept me awake. If you haven't been in my house it's hard to describe the upstairs. But it's a loft type area with a slanted roof on both sides of the room. So you hear every ounce of rain and wind from up here. It's awesome. Well, except when it's so windy that the creeking house noises keep you awake at night. And if you don't already know from the 208 other previous times I have mentioned it, my house is over 110 years old.

During winds like this I often wonder about the years past and how many wind storms this little house has withstood. It amazes me that a small, wood-framed farm house (well, it was a farm house back in the day) has remained standing after all these years.

Anyway, I had plans today. I was going to take my sons to their grandmother's house so I could head over to the local driver's license facility to get my license renewed. Fun times. I'm not used to that. In Arizona your license is good for 35 years. Illinois sucks. Ok, off topic again. But, in light of the weather, no way am I leaving this house today.

Are you thinking, shit girl, it's WIND! Suck it up and just leave. Wind is no big deal! Well, to that I say, screw you, you don't know anything. Let me put it this way.... The wind gusts are knock-a-grown-man-over type strong, it drops the wind chill to below 30 degrees and if your eyes are anything like mine the wind will make them water so bad that you can't see straight. And to top it off, I hate wind. I hate it. I hate wind more than I hate bugs. And you know how much I hate bugs.

I will not leave this house. I will NOT leave this house. No way. I had to tell my MIL that I'm not coming. I could tell she was disappointed but she understands since she only lives a couple miles away. She knows how bad it is outside.

Oh, and on one last note, we have satellite. The dish is on my roof, and I still have a signal and clear television. Take THAT Comcast!

If My Life Were a Soap Opera

1. My move from Arizona to Chicago would have actually been because I got amnesia, forgot who I was and subsequently everyone in my life and then ran away to Chicago to start over.

2. My wedding would have been ruined because an ex-lover, whom I don't remember, ran his motorcycle into the church to try and stop me from getting married.

3. My headaches would actually be from a form of telepathy because I have a long lost twin out there suffering from a rare form of brain cancer.

4. My children, whom I thought were my husband's, were actually my brother in law's children and a DNA test had proven it. But later we found out that my evil BIL doctored the DNA tests to show they were his children when in fact they really were my husband's.

5. The brakes on my SUV aren't really in need of replacing, they were just tampered with by my evil SIL because she wants me dead so I'll be out of the will.

6. The big "girl's night out" party on Friday will go on as scheduled but will be marred because more people from my past are trying to find me and they are going to come in and drop the bombshell that night that I'm actually a woman named Diviana Montrel and I own a large cosmetics company in Phoenix.

7. My father isn't really dead. He's going to show up on my doorstep soon and claim he faked his death years ago to get away from the evil Dimera clan.

8. My husband isn't really who he says he is. It turns out he works for a secret agency that has been tracking my movements for years. See, in my old life that I don't remember, the cosmetics company that I own was actually a front for laundering money in from Russia. So they have been trying to bring me down.

9. My children are going to go from ages 1 and 2 to ages 14 and 15 in a matter of 2 years.

And finally, if my life were a soap opera...

10. It turns out that my uber bestest friend Becky is really my younger and more beautiful long lost sister whom my father had sent away after he faked his death. And my new friend Angel that I met is actually my twin sister and her brain cancer mysteriously got cured. Go figure.

Craptastic!

Ok, so that isn't exactly my word, I borrowed it from my uber-awesome bestest friend Becky. But she won't mind... I hope. I just love that word so much and it has been on the tip of my tongue for days now, because everything has been, well, in a word, CRAPTASTIC!

Sickness, bad weather, generalized laziness, it's all there. Something needs to happen. I don't know what, but change is in the air. I feel it. I hate being sick. Things get down, delayed, dirty, dishevled, depressing (enough D-words there?) and it leaves me feeling stuck in rut. Lack of motivation and energy to do things brings me down even more. The gloomy weather really doesn't help matters either.

When times like this occur, a few times a year, it's like everything is just out of whack. The kids, daily life, and the entire energy field surrounding our home. That is it!!! My feng shuy is seven shades of fucked! Shit, I could have saved myself 2 paragraphs if I would have just typed that out in the first place.

So, I need to get my feng shuy back in balance. That means the evil bug that crawls up my ass and wants to rearrange and clean my entire house is back. Oh crap. Hubby hates that bug.

The problem is, hubby needs his own kind of feng shuy. It's called sleep. The dude has really suffered in that area. If it's not me being sick that keeps him awake, it's the Beast. If it's not the Beast, it's his own cold hitting him. The poor guy just wants some good sleep. But I don't know how to help him there. Other than send him on an all expense paid vacation to some baron tropical island where he is the only person there and it rains every night lulling him into a peaceful slumber. Yeah. Not. Gonna. Happen.

The worst part of all this is that last week, in my major cleaning spree of this house, I found my feng shuy! The house felt alive, in line and wonderful. But, the weekend hit. During the weekends this evil mess monster comes to visit and doesn't leave until Sunday night. He creates havoc all over the place. Papers everywhere, dishes in the sink, stuff all over the floors and so on. He's a bad houseguest. Therefore, this week, I must start over in my quest to regain my state of perfect feng shuy.

Start. In. Playroom. The children are destroying the feng shuy in there as we speak. Fisher Price and toy cars have defaced all that his holy in that room. If only I had a incredibly sized shop vac that can suck up things as large as small chairs, we would be all set.

Now that is just a whole lotta nuthin'.

4 more days until...

...Our first edition of GIRL'S NIGHT OUT!

I'm so damned excited. My friends and I have decided to put together an official "girl's night out" party and we hope to hold it once a month. This Friday, the flagship night, is going to be held at my house and it's "Fondue Night".

I received and electric fondue pot for my birthday and I wanted to put it to good use right away!

Jamie, if you are reading this, you better move heaven and earth to get there Friday night! You are the reason this whole night was inspired anyway!

We are going to be eating some yummy, cheese and chocolate fondue and we'll even have one with oil so we can cook up some shrimp and other yummy meats! WOOT! That is what you call 3 pots of heaven right thar!

Of course, there will be drinking... can't have fondue without some good old wine!

4 more days!
4 more days!
4 more days!

A dork takes a quiz...

... and as it turns out, she is only..... drum roll please.....

Congratulations. You are 24% dork.

So you're aware what a computer is. That's a start, but for true dork-dom, we're really looking for someone with more social dysfunctions and technical know-how.

The dork/nerd quiz
Quizzes for MySpace

Sweet lord in heaven, here I thought I was 60% dork and 40% nerd. Gee, I feel so much better about myself now. Thank God I stumbled onto this online quiz because if it weren't for this I might have to shoot myself.

Thanks to Erin and this post, I found some pretty funny quizzes on that site.

More Trademarks

Recently I posted this laying claim to many things I consider my own. Today, I read Riley's new post and it made me think of other things I must lay claim to, right now.

Diggin' it or Totally diggin' it. - I say it, I'm a nerd and I don't care. It doesn't need an explanation.

Sucks big hairy donkey balls - well, that just means that something is really really really bad.

Suckolicious - New word, coined a few days ago and I own it. Self-explanatory. Similar to "sucks hairy donkey balls".

Seriously - While I truly wish I could lay complete and total claim to this, I can't. The trademark must be shared with my Beckster. She and I both use this word incredibly too often.

Flippin' a bitch - It means, to make a u-turn. Where the phrase came from I don't know but it's mine. However, if you choose to use it in the future, be my guest, just think of me.

Go bake me some cookies bitch! or Go make me a chicken pot pie bitch! - phrase often used at the husband when I want cookies or dinner. Contrary to what the latter phrase depicts, I despise chicken pot pies. It's simply a metaphor for food. He knows I mean business when I utter those words.

Fire in the hole! - A phrase I joyfully mutter thru the bathroom door when hubby is in there, taking care of bi-ness. He thinks it sucks big hairy donkey balls when I do it, therefore I keep doing it.

Rockstar - means that something/someone is awesome or badass.

While I'm totally diggin' making this rockstar list, you might be thinking, "seriously now, this list is so suckolicious that is sucks big hairy donkey balls so why don't you just go make me a chicken pot pie bitch!" Seriously.

To My Readers

It's obvious that I don't have many readers, but there are a few faithful ones. So, it's time for me to say thank you. Really. Thank you for actually reading this boring little blog of mine. I truly enjoy receiving comments, from legitamate bloggers of course and not the spamtastic assholes.

I realize I don't have anything unique going here, I'm not hilarious and I'm not creative or original. This blog is just a reflection of my thoughts day to day. That definitely isn't saying much nor is it typically worth anyone's time. So, to those that do come to read my blather, thank you. You make me feel like I'm not just talking to myself.

As for the blogs I read regularly, just know that I visit as often as I can and try to comment but don't always get that chance. Please don't think I'm not reading or anything. I am, sometimes I just don't have anything to say back or don't have time to comment.

Anyway, many many thanks to all of you.

And so ends my sentimental babble.

Suckolicious at it's best

Since I seem to have coined a new word, yay me, I'll put it to good use. Ironically, this word came to be on the most suckolicious of weekends. Weekends really don't get more crappy than this.

Yesterday sucked beyond all that's sucky (now that's some good writin' right thar). Beast came into bed with us around 2:30am and wouldn't stop tossing and turning so I put him back in his bed 3o minutes later. By this point, hubby and I were both wide awake. Hubby was so wide awake that he actually got up and went downstairs, at 3am!! I decided to try to fall back asleep. And so the suckoliciousness began.....

I woke up and came downstairs with the Monster. Hubby was still up and had been since 3am. Unfortunately, I was still sick and subsequently, exhausted. While I did fall back asleep after hubby got up, exhaustion still plagued me. That didn't sit well with the man who had been up since 3am, understandably, but I didn't realize that it was going to set the tone for the rest of the day.

The day began and because of our pathetic state of existance at the moment, I had to cancel on my friend's son's birthday party. I didn't feel well, the boys were still sick and I didn't want to spread our germs to everyone at the party. I like sharing and all, but I have to draw the line at germs. So I was sick, tired and felt guilty. Good times.

Anyway, I'll spare the big details but hubby spent the day not speaking to me. The entire day was spent in silence. I took care of the kids and he did his thing and rested. However, at this point, I still did not know he was mad at me and actually, I was mad at him! HA! Go figure. We were mad each other and neither of us knew it. How's that for class A communication, eh?

Finally, after watching a couple of movies and only speaking a few sentences to each other it was bedtime. I still had no clue he was mad at me. I figured his silence was sheer exhaustion from the day and I just let him be. I know how he is when he is tired so I just assumed that is what it was. I even cuddled up to him in bed to let him know I love him just in case he figured out that I was mad at him all day. That's laughable now because he in fact was the one angry at me and probably didn't even want me near him.

Cut to 2am. Beast wakes up, yet again, and comes into bed with us. I grab his arm to help him up on our bed and it's hot. I just assume his room was hot and he was under his blankets. But it still didn't seem right, he's never that warm. It wasn't until a few minutes later that I realized his whole body was hot and he had a fever. Then he started whining and moaning. Hubby and I both knew he was sick and hubby even predicted that he was going to hurl. He can be so smart sometimes.

So, once again, we are wide awake in the middle of the night. This time I don't mind because my baby is sick and needs me. After about 30 minutes of restlessness, a futile attempt at trying to take his temperature and grabbing some towels "just in case", the Beast hurled. This moment is iconic for two reasons. Number one, he has never thrown up before. I don't count spit up as a baby. The Beast has only had a few colds and two ear infections. He's never had a virus that made him vomit. And, number 2, I have always feared my kids hurling because it would make me hurl too. I can't clean up the dogs vomit for that reason. So I dreaded the time that I would have to assist my children when they are vomiting. But, last night I wasn't phased in the least. I chalk it up to the fact that my nose was plugged and that it was dark and I couldn't see it or hear it since it went right into the towel. (Hope none of ya'll are eating breakfast right now... if so, my apologies)

Morning came and the Beast seemed fine. It's as if he was never even sick. The fever was gone and he was happy. I know he still isn't 100% but he's better. I am still congested however. Yay. I come downstairs and notice hubby is still not happy and barely speaking to me. Odd, usually he's fine the next day. He goes to make breakfast and I find the courage to actually ask him what's up and if he is mad at me or something. I expected the answer "No, I'm just still tired, of course I'm not mad at you". Well, I always say, expect the unexpected.

He proceeded to tell me exactly why he was mad at me which stunned me into silence. Not because I was shocked, but because there was nothing I could say in return. He was right, I guess. Great. This entire weekend was a wasteland of crap because of me. Apparently I'm selfish. Duh, I know that but I guess I was regressing into my old uber selfish ways.

It's not even noon on Sunday and I can't wait for this weekend to be over. Hubby is raking the leaves right now which means he will come in the house even more exhausted and subsequently grumpy so the chances of salvaging any part of this day are, ooohhhh, slim to none. I could be the bigger person and just own up to my mistakes and say I'm sorry, but those are just words and really won't make a dent. I just have to show it in my actions. Going out and buying him his iPod or Kitchen-aid would be a bit over the top though.

I suppose I could throw myself into his arms when he comes in, kiss his face and make him laugh and tell him he isn't allowed to be mad at me any more but, that stuff doesn't work on him. He's a rock. I have to dig deeper to hatch a more evil plan to turn him around.

Well, back to my world of suckoliciousness.

D'Mama's Movie Moments: The List

I decided to make a list of some of my favorite movies. I don't know why, other than to express my interests and give some good movies their due props. These aren't all intelligent, Oscar worthy movies or anything and they don't have to be. They are simply entertaining. These aren't old and wonderful classics and I'm not making a list of movies that will raise your IQ or make you even think for that matter. It's just a list of movies that I love and could watch over and over again. Simple as that.

I'll even categorize the list to make it easier. Kristi is great at making movie lists but her lists are much more thought provoking and intelligent than mine will be. I'm just taking an organization lesson from her.

Note of caution: Use of the words "badass" and "awesome" may be overwhelming in the following descriptions mainly because they are cool words and I'm not a walking dictionary of adjectives. Ok?

Football Movies:

Yes, these deserve their very own category because I LOVE Football movies. This list could get very long so I just picked my top favorites.

Varsity Blues - This movie profiles life in the baron part west Texas. "Football is a way of life". They live for high school football in West Caanan, Texas. The head coach (Jon Voight) is an extreme man and will do anything for a win and has an incredible record and reputation to protect. The team has finally had enough of his ways and slowly tries to take back their dignity and pride. Varsity Blues is potentially my all time favorite football movie. Jon Voight is incredible as the coach. Scott Caan plays Tweeder. Tweeder is awesome. Tweeder drinks beer (have to watch the movie to understand that). James Van Der Beek is "Mox", the quarterback and "leader". Oh and guys, Ali Larter does wear a whipped cream bikini in this movie. Enough said.

Remember the Titans - Does this really need an explanation? This movie ranks right up there with Varsity Blues. If you haven't seen this movie then pull yourself out of your cave and watch it. Some may argue with me and say that I shouldn't even put Remember the Titans on the same level as Varsity Blues. To that, I say, this is MY list and I'll do whatever the hell I want. They are BOTH great football movies. So bite my pasty white ass if you don't like it.

The Replacements - Despite having Keanu Reeves as the lead role, this is an awesome movie. Ok, Keanu isn't bad... but I know a lot of peeps don't like him. I happen to like him, so it was just a bonus for me. This movie is about a professional football team going on strike (poor them, they just don't make enough money, right?) and replacement (get it? The title is "The Replacements". Pretty clever I say) players are brought in to take their place until the contracts are sorted out. The new team is comprised of ex-cons, a militant ex-mililtary man, a lanky, chain smoking soccor player from the UK, a deaf man and a barrage of other misfits. Hilarity ensues. You root for the underdog and can totally predict every thing. Entertainment at it's best.

Comedies:

Office Space - "Excuse me, but I believe you my stapler." "Didjya get the memo?" "Watch your cornhole buddy". See, I could go on and on. This movie provides endless quotes. And it has "The Bobs!" I love the Bobs! If you have ever worked in cubicle city, you will relate to this movie and piss your pants laughing. If you haven't, you may not get the movie. I. Love. This. Movie. It's awesome. If it doesn't make you laugh I'll put stricknine in your guacamole. See, if you watched the movie you would get that.

The Whole Nine Yards - I already told you this is MY list and I'll put whatever movie I want on it! I like this movie. I happen to think it's a fucking riot. Matthew Perry is hilarious and you won't convince me otherwise. If you haven't seen the movie and still don't want to AND you are a man, then here this: You get to see Amanda Peet NEKKID! NO CLOTHES! NUDE!! Bruce Willis is equally hilarious. He is an ex-mobster turned rat who just got out of jail and moves to Canada and ends up living next door to a dentist, Dr. Ozeranski (Perry). "Oz" is married to a she-devil and she plots a way to have "Oz" killed with the help of Jimmy "the Tulip" Tudeski (Willis). It's funny. It's FUN-NEEEEEEE! I just think the whole synopsis of the movie is a riot. It's unique and I believe it was pulled of fairly well.

Blast from the Past - Come on, Brenden Fraser rocks. He does! This movie starts out during the nuclear scare in the 60's. Christopher Walken's character "Calvin" has been secretly building a fallout shelter underground in his backyard. His wife "Helen" (Sissy Spacek) is 9 months pregnant. The nuclear scare comes to a head one night and they head for the shelter. A plane crashes on their house and they believe it was a nuclear bomb so they take refuge in the shelter and set the locks for 35 years (the length of time it takes for the radiation to be gone). She gives birth in the shelter and they raise a son. Calvin is a genius to he teaches his son everything and anything. 35 years passes and the locks open. They send their son up to see what the world is like and to get supplies. The fun begins. This movie is awesome and I could serioulsy watch it over and over. You can't go wrong with Christopher Walken anyway and Sissy Spacek is a riot as Helen. When "Adam" (Fraser) gets up to the surface and starts exploring he walks past a black woman and says "Oh my stars! A negro!" Now that's funny shit.

Bull Durham - "He hit the fucking bull! He gets a free steak!" Enough said. This movie is chalk full of great monologues and quotes.

Grosse Point Blank - Quite possibly one of the best dialogue movies ever. I love movies that have intelligent and funny dialogue. This is one of them. It also happens to be one of my favorite movies of all time. But I am a major John Cusak fan as well. My favorite line from the movie, well it's hard to pick just one.... but every single time I see Jeremy Piven in a movie or on t.v I always say "Hey Jenny Slater. Hey Jenny Slater. Hey Jenny Slater". Yeah, good stuff.
Another favorite: "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a professional killer"
"Do you get dental with that?"

40 year old Virgin - If I really have to explain why this is on my list then you need to just shoot yourself, now, because you have no sense of humor.

Random Dramas:

American Beauty - Deep, thought provoking, disturbing, funny at times and very dramatic. Ah, a great movie. It isn't necessarily a movie you can relate too because the characters are all on the extreme side. So, instead of drawing a person into this movie by portraying real life, they pull you in visually and stimulate your mind by making you think and tap a place in your mind that might rarely be tapped. Movies like this are wonderful because they really strike a cord in you that might not be struck otherwise. It's a great American movie. Truly American.

Goodfellas - Ahhhh, mobsters and violence. Fun times. This is a classic movie. Trying to describe and/or explain it would only do it disservice. It's just badass.

Sliding Doors - This movie has a very unique premise, at least to me it does. I had never seen anything like it before. I also happen to like Gwenyth Paltrow. It's a split movie so to speak. Her life is displayed in two ways, what would happen if she made the train home, and what would happen had she missed the train. I could watch this movie over and over again.

Tombstone - "I'm yer huckleberry" Oh what a movie. Val Kilmer is at his best in this film. And, this movie introduced me into the world of Michael Biehn. He played Johnny Ringo in this movie. So not only did I fall for Michael Biehn, I fell for Johnny Ringo too. Dayum that man was hot. Oh, anyway, back to the movie. This is another that needs no explanation. It's just.... wait for it... waaaiiiit for it... a badass movie. Period.

Frequency - Denis Quaid is great in this film. I don't think it got a lot of press or exposure but it should have. Again, it's got a unique plot so it's worth watching. Jim Caviezel starred in this before he got famous. It's about a father and son who reach each other via an old hamm radio (or something like that) only the son is an adult and he's speaking to his dad years ago. Frank Sullivan (Quaid) is a firefighter and dies in a big warehouse fire. John Sullivan is his son and they make contact over this radio days before this big fire kills Frank. So John has to convince his father of how to save himself so he doesn't parish in the fire, thus changing the rest of their lives in the past and future. It's a really cool movie.

American Outlaws - This is a movie starring Colin Farrell, before he became THE Colin Farrell. Scott Caan and Ali Larter are both in this movie again. You just don't get to see Ali nekkid this time. I fall short of calling this movie badass only because that term belongs more to movies like Varsity Blues, Tombstone, Goodfellas and such. American Outlaws is more on the awesome scale. It's got action, drama, and some funny stuff thrown into the mix. The Jesse James gang robs banks but they are still the good guys. Sweet. Historically, this film probably doesn't have a single fact correct, but who cares. It doesn't need to be historically correct to be entertaining!

Gone in 60 Seconds - Ok, BADASS! Yep, I said it again! This movie is badass. Everytime it's on tv I stop what I'm doing to watch. I don't care if it's in the last minute of the movie, I still watch. Old school auto theft meets new age auto theft. They come together to steal 50 cars in 24 hours. Aaaand, ACTION! Love. This. Movie.

And finally.... this terribly written list of great movies is about to end. I will close on one last movie note...

Point Break - Yes, another Keanu movie. But this one also has one Patrick Swayze in it. Oh and Gary "look at me I'm so fucking strung out" Busey. This movie has it ALL! Bad acting, awesome action, old cop/rookie cop team, boy meets girl, girl gets kidnapped, boy rescues girl, etc. It didn't leave out anything! This one is deserving of the coveted "Badass" title. It's a classic.

And there you have Angel's list of badass and awesome movies that she will never tire of. I'm sure all of your lives are enriched because of reading this... if you actually managed to finish reading this post.

Monster and Beast

Pictures like this make it hard for me to call them Monster and Beast.... while pictures do speak 1000 words, they can also lie.

Monster was playing with a scarf this morning and decided to put it over his head as if he thought he could hide his monster horns. Then he posed so I could take a quick snap.








The Beast fell asleep watching Cars. He isn't feeling well, obviously. I just think it is so cute
when he falls asleep like this, mainly because it's rare. He only does it when he's sick (which is also rare) and when he is exhausted after a long day of playing and no nap.

Insert Title Here

I can't think of a title because I really have nothing to say, but I have the urge to write.

Still sick. Kids still sick. Fun times.

Now I have a pain in my upper back. It feels like an inflamed disk, again. Hopefully some 800mg Ibuprofen will get rid of the pain.

I'm tired of unknown and toll free numbers calling me every day. This week it's been awful. They call 6-7 times a day. Thank God for caller ID but enough already. Leave me alone.

I lit my wood stove... it's chilly out and I wanted it to feel cozy in here. Ahhhh, now if only I could sleep on the couch all day long, undisturbed. I just wish the rain would come. That would complete the crappy day and make me really enjoy staying inside. I love having a good fire going and looking at nasty weather outside. It's just, well, cozy!

I love food, but it's completely anti-climactic when I'm sick. I just can't savor it and enjoy it like I usually do. That sucks.

I haven't left this house since, um, Wednesday morning. Literally. I haven't been out in so long that when I get in the car to drive somewhere this weekend it's going to feel weird, like I haven't done it in years.

I have found some great new blogs to read and I'm excited. I love reading new blogs, especially ones that make me laugh.

Hubby hasn't slept in our bed with me in 3 nights. He tried last night but said I was snoring incredibly loud so he left. Me. Snoring. Ha. The Beast must not mind because he has come into bed with me that past two nights. I guess he can man up and take my snoring but sissy hubby can't.

I still don't believe I snore. Ever.

My posting lately sucks. Ok, maybe it ALWAYS sucks, but lately it's like, well, totally suckolicious. Like, even I can't stand reading it because it's so boring and lame. I will just blame it on being sick and nothing happening in my life. So, pardon my suckoliciousness.

I think I'll go eat some ibuprofen for breakfast... oh, wait, it's lunchtime.

Sense of smell is overrated

There are actually advantages to being completely plugged up. Really!

1. You can't smell the nastiness that emits from dirty diapers as you change them.

2. Cleaning out the fridge isn't such a bad task because when you open the containers containing the mystery substances the smell doesn't knock you over or make you want to vomit.

3. Taking out the trash is no big deal. It doesn't matter if last nights dinner is metamorphosizing into a science project in the bag, you can't smell it.

4. When people call you they feel sorry for you because you sound like shit. Pity is nice sometimes.

5. You eat less. A lot less. So, you might drop a few pounds which is always a good thing.

6. If the dog farts, you just don't care, but your husband is knocked out from the stench so you get to watch what you want on the tv finally.

Those are just some advantages to having a bad cold. See, there is always a silver lining.

Today, I actually feel much better, I just sound terrible. I'm still congested but ended up getting that rush of adrenaline that I typically get after being sick and then feeling better one day. So, I have been cleaning my house since 9am. I mean cleaning. I busted out my Scunci Steamer and nothing was safe. Nothing!

I vacuumed, I steamed my floors, I mopped, I dusted, I steamed everything including the damn stairway trim on each stair that serves as traction... yeah. I got out all the dirt in the little crevices. Sad. I cleaned my bathroom and steamed everything in there. I steamed pictures and cracks and doors and faucets and handles and anything else I could find. I don't think a germ would even consider living here now.

Now, it's not that I'm obsessing over germs since we have all been sick, although I do enjoy disinfecting my house after we have all been sick. It's that I'm obsessed with my steamer. See, as soon as it's ready to go I just have to steam everything. It's fun! Yes, I'm pathetic, you can say it.

I will steam one thing and then find a hundred more things to steam clean, just for fun. Then, at the end of the day I feel like I have really cleaned my house. I can relax. I even sleep better. The air feels cleaner in here already. But, I give it two days, max, and my house will be back to the way it was before I cleaned today. Ugh.

The only thing left to clean is my upstairs. I guess I'll to do that tomorrow. So, as if you weren't already convinced that I'm nuts, this post probably seals the deal, eh?

I just realized I haven't eaten a single thing all day. Not one ounce of food. Ha! See, #5 is dead on! Except I'm starving and will probably go and ravage the kitchen once I'm done here. Not good.

More random crap

The good news is I finally got a pretty decent nights sleep. The bad news is I'm extremely congested and can't breath thru my nose. I hate that. I really, really hate that. It gives me a major headache from trying to breathe and my nose is just raw from all the tissue I have been going thru. But at least I don't feel like a bus has hit me.

However, I was rudley awoken at 7am but a tiny little rustling noise. I sat up to see what it was. I thought it was my son coming out of his room, but it wasn't. Then I thought it might have been the dog, but he was downstairs. So I laid back down. Then I heard it again. I sat up to see a mouse crawling across a little desk in our room. Nice. Just friggin' wonderful. I know we have had mice in the house for about a week now. I could hear them in the walls and I have seen the place where they seem to be crawling out of from the wall. We just need to pick up some traps and for some reason the stores we are going to don't have them. It was a bit creepy to see a mouse in my room but honestly, I would rather see that than a bug. Mice and snakes I can handle, bugs I can't. I just don't get why a mouse would be in my room.... the food is downstairs.

No, I don't live in filth... we just have an extremely old house so there are lots of places for mice and bugs to get in and they are trying to get out of the cold.

So, it's supposed to be 65 degrees today and tomorrow, and sunny. To bad I can't enjoy it. Figures, that on these nice days I would be miserable with a cold. Maybe I should try to get out for a walk or something and get some fresh air.... fresh, stale, humid air. Yeah.

I think I'll make the boys pancakes for breakfast. It would be my first real meal in about 36 hours and I know they'll eat them so there won't be any worries about getting them to eat. After that, maybe I'll actually clean the house, like really clean the house. For some reason I'm feeling tinges of motivation. This means I'll clean the fridge out... as in, remove all food, scour and disinfect all the shelves and clean out the door. I'll vacuum everything and mop all the floors. I'll dust all our shelves. I'll scour the bathroom.

It all sounds good in theory, but honestly, the motivation is creeping in and I'm feeling productive. I better move on it now or else it could be reabsorbed but all the crap in my sinuses.

Told you it was random crap.

My Favorite Songs of the Moment

I got one kid to bed, the Ibuprofen I took seems to have really eased the pain in my body and I don't feel as bad right now.

So, I figured I would just share some of my favorite songs of the moment..... they'll change in a month, but for now, I'm totally in love with these.

Hinder - "Lips of an Angel" It's a badass song and I love the dude's voice.

Disturbed - "Land of Confusion" Another badass song, only it's a remake of the old Phil Collins song. Disturbed ran with it and I'm completely in love with this hard version. It rawks.

Carrie Underwood - "Before he Cheats" Ok, totally not like the first two, but it's an awesome song. Yes, I'm a Carrie Underwood fan. My music tastes run the gammut.

Sandi Thom - "I Wish I Was a Punk Rocker..." I mentioned this one before, but it's still on my list of the moment... this song just isn't getting old.... yet.

I realize this is useless information and most won't care, but I'm bored and was searching for the songs online so I decided to make the post... deal.

I feel like I have been hit by a bus.

I know I'm wallowing and whining, but it's what I do when I'm sick. Before I had kids I could just lay around in bed all day and sleep. I'm a huge baby when I'm sick. It could be worse though, I could be throwing up, I could be way more congested than I am and I could be coughing. But I'm not... yet. My entire body hurts though. I'm somewhat congested and it's given me a horrendous headache.

I'm rarely sick. This is usually a once MAYBE twice a year thing, if that. But when it hits, it hits hard. I wish there were someone available to just watch the kids all day while I sleep. That would be cool. Hopefully I don't feel worse tomorrow. Maybe my inability to lay around in bed all day will actually make me better, faster. One can only hope.

Still it could be worse, I could much more sick and the kids could be a whole lot sicker and crankier. But they aren't. They are fine. I just wish they would both take a nap at the same time so I can rest. Again, one can only hope.

I want soup. We don't have any soup. I should be drinking juice and eating fruits, but I'm not. I'm terrible at taking care of myself. I would much rather just moan, whine and eat junk food. That's way more fun.

Well, Monster has succeeded in making a huge mess of his grilled cheese sandwich and he stinks. Woot.

Moan and groan with me.

Remember how I said yesterday sucked? Well, last night sucked even more than that. The kids took a shower, I put the Monster to bed at 6:30pm. He was awake crying by 7:15pm. He wouldn't settle down no matter what I tried and I finally got him to pass out around 8:30pm on our bed. I put him in his crib, got the Beast to bed and we tried to go to sleep. 9:30pm the Monster is awake crying again. Hubby bails for downstairs so he can get some sleep and the Monster is still crying.

I finally get him to sleep again on our bed and an hour later, he's awake. I feel so bad for him but have no clue what to do for him. The medicine isn't helping him and he doesn't fall asleep when rocked. Instead he either fights me or just lays there awake and won't fall asleep and the minute I put him down he screams. He finally fell back asleep and I put him back in his crib but he woke up again a short while later. I still have not slept, at all. It's 11:30pm and I have been up since 5:30am. For most of you that isn't a big deal but for me, these days, it is.

I had visions of the colic that we went thru at this same time last year. For the first 3 months of Monster's life he had colic and I got maybe an hour or two of sleep every single night, generally with him sleeping on my chest and that hour or two was very broken. Like 15 minutes here and 20 minutes there. Last night I found myself asking "How on earth did I do this for 3 months!!!"

The Beast slept thru all of the commotion but poor hubby and I didn't. Finally at 12:15am Monster falls asleep and I feel like I can finally get some sleep myself. 12:30am, he's awake, crying again, but it only lasted a few minutes and he was out for the night. But, he still woke up at his usual 7-7:30am time. And the Beast was up at 6:40am. GAH!

Right now I feel like I have been hit by a bus. The Zicam is not working to fight off this virus like it did last time. I ache, my ears and throat hurt and I have a monster sized headache. The kids are still sick and I want to just crawl into my bed and hibernate till I feel better. Not an option.

In-laws just pulled up... they are watching the boys for me so I can run to the store. Fun. I love going out when I'm sick.

Random Crap

Oy. It's Monday. Monday is almost over. Monday SUCKED! Today was a complete waste of a day. First of all, I didn't sleep very well last night. Then at 5:38am I awake to the sound of the Beast calling out "Mama" and crying. I get up to find him standing in the middle of his room holding his blankets. I am half awake and pick him up to take him back to our bed but he cries out "Mama no! Pi-woh!" He wanted his pillow too. Ok, grab the pillow, his two blankets and the boy and go back to bed. Only he didn't have sleeping on his mind. No, it was play time.

Not more than 5 minutes later, the Monster wakes up crying. It's 5:45am, an ungodly hour of the day to be awake. I thought maybe he would fuss and go back to sleep. He never wakes up that early. But nope, he had other plans as well.

I'm convinced that the two of them hatched this plan at some point last night. It was an evil and elaborate conspiracy. So, before dawn, hubby and I are wide awake, groggy, have headaches and are listening to two, wide-awake toddlers. The day didn't get any better.... they both have colds so the day was filled with snotty noses, whining and demanding kids. Naps were futile, though attempted. But just as hubby and I would doze, the phone would ring, a knock at the door would sound or the Monster would wake up crying, again, after only 30 minutes of sleep.

It's now after 4pm and I have managed to do nothing. I mean absolutely nothing, unless you count wiping noses, changing dirty diapers and washing one small round of dishes. Hubby on the other hand baked 6 dozen chocolate chip cookies and is making a pork loin for dinner. Ass. Why does he have to out-do me like that. But, I got my retribution in the form of a two year old running around the house calling "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" all day long. ALL. DAY. LONG! HA! Hubby is a bit fried from that. Bummer for him.

Plans for tonight consist of eating aforementioned pork and cookies and watching Heroes, our new favorite show. Then, we will attempt going to sleep one final time today. I'm considering drinking heavily to aid my sleep. It might dull my headache and help me sleep, killing two birds with one stone.

In the meantime, my house is a mess, laundry is ceiling high, floors need vacuuming and mopping, clutter is building, we have mice ('tis the friggin' season) and my yard needs serious raking. And I don't want to do any of it. Nothing. I'm lazy, in a funk again and getting a cold so I'm popping Zicam like it's candy. What was it I said before... "getting drunk cures the funk". Must. Try. It. Again.

Need. Sleep.

I miss...

I miss....

Pepe, the truck hubby had when I met him. I want Pepe back. Pepe was awesome. Pepe got sent up the river for the SUV. Poor Pepe. He only wanted to be loved and we sold him out for the family wagon. I hope he found a nice family and someone who appreciated him as much as we did.

I miss....

My sisters. One is in Minnesota and the other is in Arizona... and here I am in Chicago. They both have busy lives, like me, and we can only see each other once a year if we are lucky. They are both so unique and different than me but we all have common denominators and understand each other. No matter what, they are always honest with me and don't just say what I want to hear.

I miss....

Mountains. Illinois is mountainless. Arizona had some beautiful scenery. I lived there for 15 years and never, ever, not ONCE got tired of the scenery. I loved hiking them, horseback riding in them, staring at them, taking pictures of them and just enjoying everything they were.

I miss....

My dogs. We lost two dogs in one month last year. Bodie, our other Golden had a large tumor on his face that was inoperable and we had to make the decision to put him down. The day after Thanksgiving the vet came to our home and put him to sleep. It was extremely painful and something I never want to go thru again. Then, one month later, my shepard/lab mix, Lexi, whom I had had since she was 8 weeks old, suddenly passed without warning. She was never the same after Bodie died and was lethargic and vomiting. Throwing up was nothing new but she was doing it more frequently and her vet was on vacation so I was waiting for her to return so I could take Lexi in. Well, Lexi picked up and was her old self during my mother's visit over Christmas so I felt relieved and thought she didn't need to see the vet... whatever she had was gone. Then, she passed. Just like that. Hubby went downstairs to get ready for work and found her in our mudroom... gone. He then had to come tell me.... it was as painful for him to tell me as it was for me to hear. I lost my mind that day.... I'm still not over it. Never will be. She was my heart and soul. The guilt I feel is extreme. If only I hadn't waited on her vet and just took her in to be seen by another doctor....if only. I will never, ever forget petting both of the dogs as they lay there lifeless. I cried into their fur and can still feel every ounce of pain I felt that day. I can still feel their little heads and ears and remember just how their fur felt when I pet them and kissed them.

I miss....

Hubby. Yeah, he is only at work, but it seems like 5:35pm takes forever to roll around when I wait for him to come home. The longest part of my day is from 4pm to 5:35pm. If I'm not busy and keeping my mind occupied I get a bit stir crazy wishing for a fast forward button. It's silly but I just love having him home, no matter what we are doing, at least he is here. It has nothing to do with the kids or anything like that. I was like this before kids too. I'm just goofy that way.

I miss....

That little black purse that my younger sister swindled from me on her last visit. She has had her eye on it for a long time. This time, she pulled out the big guns and made an offer I couldn't refuse. She told me she would buy $30.00 more dollars worth of MaryKay stuff (on top of the $70.00 order she had just placed) if I gave her the purse. Being the business woman that I'm trying to be, I had to take the offer. A sale is a sale is a sale. So, bye-bye awesome, going-out chic black purse with the silver accents on the handle that always made me look awesome, no matter how dorky I am. I miss you. Always. I hope she is taking care of you.

I miss....

Driving a stick shift. Yeah, I really do. I felt young, hip and fast. I only owned two cars (well 3 now) that weren't 5-speeds. The rest were and it was fun. Of course, that was when I lived in Arizona and 5-speeds were everywhere and people knew how to drive them. Up here, no one has a 5-speed and if they do they don't know how to drive them. Ah, the good old days.

I miss....

My size five, flat tummy, hip hugger jeans. I don't think that requires ANY explanation. And yes, I'm telling the truth, I really did used to be a size 5 and was always 118 pounds. Moving to Chicago made me fat, then I had kids and I got fatter. But, I look healthier now. Blah blah blah. Look, I don't care who says what, my rail-thin body and flat flat tummy were NOT overrated.... I liked being that skinny, and yes I DID eat. I lived on pizza and fast food and stayed that skinny. I moved here, ate good homecooking and got fat. What the f**k is that about?!

I miss....

My Beckster. She lives in Omaha... but she should live here. We were fraternal Irish twins separated at a young age... she is me and I am her. I don't think I have ever met anyone on the planet that gets me like she does AND has so much in common with me.

I miss....

My Jamie. She is off trying to get all educated and smart and in school every day while I sit here, wishing she had more time for me. Summer can't come around fast enough... then again, she'll have a job soon and probably have even less time. She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met and I adore her. I used to see her almost every day but then school started up.... crap on a stick. Now I'm lucky to see her once a week. I have already tried to get her to quit school for me, but that didn't work. Dammit.

I miss....

Being pregnant. I loved being pregnant. No matter how uncomfortable it got I loved every second of it because it meant I was going to have a baby. It was the single greatest experiences of my life. There is just no matching those times. I really and truly miss it.

I miss....

Rescue Me. I hate waiting for the new season to begin. Damn that is an awesome show. Like the best show on television. I want every season on DVD. Oh, I'll have to put that on my Christmas list!

I miss....

My long hair. I wish hair would grow over night to the desired length that you want, that way bad hair cuts would grow out fast, mistakes like cutting all your hair off wouldn't matter cuz the next day it would be back to where it was and I wouldn't have to wait 2-3 years to grow my hair out. GAH! I hate waiting... waiting is what kills me, makes me impatient and makes me cut it all off again, only to regret it later and have to start ALL over in growing it out.

I miss....

Naps. We used to take naps on the weekends, pre-children days. For obvious reasons, we don't get those anymore. Oh I miss those naps... those quiet, down times of peace.

I miss....

Many more things, but this boring post is long enough.

My Father - Part III

To say that my childhood was normal is to say that Michael Jackson is sane, still black and completely fits into our society. Exactly. He isn't any of those things, and my childhood was not normal.

Yes, I had two incredibly loving parents who did not divorce and we always had a roof over our heads, food on the table and clothes on our backs. We didn't struggle for things despite only one parent working and there was never a lack of discipline and love. In those terms, we were very normal.

But you never know what happens behind closed doors, do you? The normalcy stopped at the door. My father was not your typical father not just because he stayed home with us and had serious health problems but because he wasn't right in the head either. At least, that is the conclusion I have drawn from all this. The other option is that he was completely sane and really was who he said he was and, if that is the case, well, maybe I shouldn't be writing about it.

But, back to the lack of normalcy. Just to add more into the mix, we moved a lot. I counted the number of schools I attended one time. The number is 10. 10 schools in 12 years. 3 of those schools were in a year and half's time. I still don't know why we moved so much but we did rent a lot. I think we only owned 2 homes while growing up. We lived in Minnesota, then Florida, back to MN, then to Illinois, then back to MN and finally to Arizona. I realize that is only 4 states but I'm not counting the number of times we moved within those states. When I mention to people how much I moved they always nod and say "oh, you were military weren't you". Then I have to say "nope, we just moved a lot" and watch the look of confusion on their face.

Now, how exactly is a child supposed to feel secure and safe and like a normal kid when she moves constantly and watches her father go through numerous heart attacks, quadruple bypass surgery, alcohol rehab, survive 2 strokes and surgeries on the main arteries in his neck (both sides) and live in and out of the hospital every year? How does she enjoy her childhood when she has to adapt to new towns all the time feel like she has to grow up so fast? It's simple, she doesn't. She lays in bed at night scared that her father is going to die. She daydreams of living like her friends do with regular parents and family trips where dad isn't drunk and growing up in the same house until she leaves for college. She dreams of feeling secure like she knows exactly where her life is going to go... graduate, college, marriage, babies. In that order with her daddy being there every step of the way. But, it's only dreams.

In reality, packing and moving happens every couple of years. Daddy is sick, always sick... and drunk. He is unpredictable just like her life. Mom is always working. Coming home always rattles her nerves because she doesn't know whether she'll see an ambulance in front of the house or not, and if not, will daddy be in a good or a bad mood or will he just be drunk? And the chances of daddy being around to see her graduate and get married are slim to none.

Predictability can be boring, I know. But kids need that because it provides a feeling of saftey and security. When kids are growing up and going through so many changes on their own own they need a fairly predictable and normal life that will at least provide that sense of stability. I never had that. The only stability that I had was the constant instability.

Sure, my life could have been 100 times worse. I didn't grow up in poverty or surrounded by drugs and danger. I had food, clothes and loving parents. So why am I complaining? Well, I'm not really complaining. I'm just telling about my life. I could never complain about my childhood. Never. I know beyond a doubt that I was blessed, regardless of the circumstances. I'm merely sharing the story of myself, growing up and the things I endured with my father. It's not a "woe is me" campaign or anything of the sorts. It's just an explanation of myself and why I am the way I am. Beyond all that, the story of my father makes for some damn interesting reading. Are you bored yet?

Well, have you ever woken up in the middle of the night to the sight of your father parked across the street from your house, slumped over the steering wheel? Then you see him move, get out of the car and you wonder why he didn't pull in the driveway or the garage? Then he comes into the house, you get up to see if he is ok and he sits you down to tell you something. He takes your hand and tells you in a very grim voice that someone is going to come into the house tonight to kill him. He tells you that it's just something that has to be done and not to be afraid, you'll never know anything. He just wanted to say goodbye and he loves you.

No? You have never had that happen? Well, I have. I was 12. At 12 years old I believed that someone was going to come into my home and kill my father, because he told me so. The next morning he was still there. Alive and well. I don't recall what happened or if he even remembered what he told me. I don't even remember whether I mentioned it ever again. But what I had to endure that night was something no 12 year old kid should EVER have to hear or feel. Ever.

To be continued...

Just Admit It

How many of you ate candy for breakfast? Just admit it. I did. Yep, 3 green tootsie roll thingies and a box of Dots. Yum-oh.

How many of you forced your kids to wear costumes they didn't want to and drug them out onto the streets to beg for sweet goodness from all your neighbors just so you would have candy to eat.

How many of your kids ate candy for dinner last night? C'mon, fess up. Mine did. The Beast isn't even allowed to eat candy except on special occasions and even then its like one piece at most. But, last night, we figured it was his first "memorable" Halloween so let him partake in the bounty he worked hard for. After 4 pieces we cut him off and he wanted nothing to do with the chicken or salad we made for dinner. There's a shock.

Ah, Halloween. A deliciously evil holiday.... for more reasons than scary costumes.